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You Can’t Help Anyone Who Doesn’t Want To Be Helped

23rd August 2019

It’s just impossible. If someone doesn’t want help, then there’s nothing you can do to help them.

In fact, trying to help people who don’t want your help can actually make their situation worse, despite your good intentions.

How many times have you had the experience of saying to someone for years to do something, and they ignore you, only then to find years later that they did what you said? They say that someone else told them, or they read it in a book or got inspired by a movie… It can be frustrating when you don’t get credit for something you’ve been saying for years, but remember that it’s not about you, it’s about them.

People aren’t always ready to hear your message when you are ready to give it.

People change when they are ready to change. That might mean that your best efforts to help someone go (largely) wasted. That’s ok. If you’re consistent then perhaps the message will get through years later.

Consistency is key. It’s why we remember what our dad used to say when we were kids, but only when we’re old enough to be helped by that message do we start accepting it.

So what do you do for a person who needs help but isn’t ready for it?

Detach yourself from the outcome. Don’t expect that people will listen to you and don’t expect to change them. That shouldn’t be the goal. Instead just be consistent, like a mother who always sets the table with a space for her distant son. When he is ready to come home, he will feel welcomed, and that’s when she can impact him with her message.



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